Explore Chapter 90 of 'The Story of the Golden Powder Family' with the original Chinese text, English translation, detailed Chinese vocabulary explanations, and audio of the Chinese original. Listen and improve your reading skills.
Last time, it was told that after Jin Yanxi and Leng Qingqiu married, a rift gradually emerged in their relationship. Yanxi remained the playboy he was, spending his days socializing and having fun outside, inevitably neglecting his new bride at home. Leng Qingqiu, born into a scholarly family with a quiet temperament, entered this prominent and wealthy household and, seeing Yanxi's behavior, naturally felt dissatisfied, but she couldn't bring herself to speak of it.
This day, Yanxi again went out with friends and got drunk until midnight before returning. Leng Qingqiu sat alone in the room, facing a lonely lamp, waiting and waiting, her heart full of vexation. Hearing staggering footsteps outside, she knew he was back and rose to support him. She saw Yanxi with a flushed face and disheveled clothes, supported by Jin Rong, stumbling into the room.
Leng Qingqiu held back her anger and, together with Jin Rong, helped him lie down on the bed. Yanxi still mumbled something incoherently. Leng Qingqiu took off his shoes and socks, covered him with a quilt, fetched hot water, personally wrung a towel, and wiped his face. Yanxi pushed her hand away, muttering, 'Don't need you... I'll do it myself...'
Seeing him like this, Leng Qingqiu felt a pang of sorrow. She silently walked to the window and sat down. Outside, the moonlight was exquisite, casting a silvery glow on the ground. The courtyard lay in profound silence, with only the distant sound of the night watchman's drum. She recalled her days before marriage, in the Leng Residence on Falling Flowers Lane, where life was humble yet free. Now, married into this world of wealth, while outwardly glamorous, the inner troubles were beyond words. She also thought of Yanxi before and after the wedding-like two different men. Were those past tendernesses and considerations genuine or feigned? Was it truly as the saying goes, 'Familiarity breeds contempt'?
As she was lost in thought, she suddenly heard Yanxi turn over in bed and say, 'Water... bring water...' Leng Qingqiu hurriedly poured a cup of warm tea, brought it to the bedside, and helped him sit up to drink. After drinking, Yanxi seemed to regain some clarity. He opened his eyes and looked at Leng Qingqiu, saying, 'You're still awake?'
Yanxi dreaded hearing such 'proper plans' talk. It gave him a headache, but he couldn't argue. He merely replied dismissively, 'I know. I'll go out less in the future.' With that, he closed his eyes and pretended to sleep. Leng Qingqiu knew he might not be listening, so she said no more, sitting alone in gloomy silence by the lamp.
A few days later, Yanxi indeed stayed home for two days, but he felt stifled, as if this magnificent mansion had become a cage. He hit upon an idea and said to Leng Qingqiu, 'Now that we're married, we should have some social engagements. My sisters and sisters-in-law often host small gatherings at home, writing poetry or playing cards. It's quite lively. It's not good for you to stay cooped up in the room all day. Why not go over often and get acquainted with them?'
Leng Qingqiu was naturally shy around strangers, especially since the Jin Family had many female members, all dressed fashionably and speaking cleverly. She felt her humble background made her out of place with them. But hearing Yanxi's words, she thought this might be a good opportunity to integrate into his family, so she reluctantly agreed.
Who knew that after going a few times, she felt even more uncomfortable. Those ladies of the household talked about the latest fashions, operas, or gossip about various families, or showed off newly acquired jewelry. Leng Qingqiu couldn't join the conversation, only sitting quietly and listening. Occasionally, someone asked her, and she would give brief replies, appearing very reserved. Others, seeing her like this, whispered behind her back, calling her aloof or petty. These words eventually reached Leng Qingqiu's ears, adding to her melancholy.
This day, Leng Qingqiu returned from playing cards at Third Young Mistress Wang Yufen's room, feeling exhausted and somewhat aggrieved by idle talk. She lay down on the couch to rest. Suddenly, a little maid brought in a letter, saying it was delivered by the gatekeeper, specifically for Seventh Young Mistress.
Leng Qingqiu took it and saw no signature on the envelope, but the handwriting looked familiar. Opening it, there was no letter inside, only a bank check for a substantial amount. Leng Qingqiu was startled. She checked the envelope inside and out, finding not a single word. She wondered, who sent this? And what did it mean?
As she pondered, Yanxi came in from outside and saw her staring at a piece of paper in a daze. He asked what it was. Leng Qingqiu handed him the bank check and explained its origin. Yanxi took the bank check, looked at the signature and amount, and his face slightly changed. Then he laughed, 'This must be a joke from some friend or a mistaken delivery. Don't worry about it. Leave it to me to investigate.' With that, he put the bank check away.
Leng Qingqiu, observing his expression, noticed a strange flicker in his eyes. Her suspicions swelled. She recalled some vague rumors she had heard recently, that Yanxi seemed to have some reproachable conduct outside and often struggled financially. Could this money be of dubious origin? She wanted to press him further, but seeing Yanxi's reluctance to discuss it, she swallowed her words. Yet that doubt and unease, like a stone thrown into still water, rippled out and could no longer be calm.
From then on, Leng Qingqiu became more attentive. She found that although Yanxi said he would go out less, he actually spent more time lingering outside. When he returned home, he was sometimes distracted or inexplicably irritable. Leng Qingqiu dared not ask much about his whereabouts, fearing arguments, but not asking left her heart blocked like a stone. Between husband and wife, while on the surface harmonious, an invisible barrier had actually formed.
One afternoon, Leng Qingqiu was alone in the room, bored. She walked to the desk, looking for a book to read. By accident, she opened a drawer and found several pawn tickets and some IOUs, all for substantial amounts. The borrower was Yanxi, but the lenders were unfamiliar names. Leng Qingqiu's hands trembled slightly. She hadn't expected Yanxi to reach the point of pawning and borrowing. A Jin Family young master, how could it come to this? Unless he had incurred huge debts outside!
Connecting this with the mysterious bank check, a terrifying thought rose in her heart: Was Yanxi involved in illegal activities or taking bribes to get that money? And were his daily extravagance and debts related to this? Leng Qingqiu grew more fearful the more she thought, feeling a chill permeating this ornate house.
She put the pawn tickets and IOUs back in place and slumped into a chair. Past sweet words and solemn vows from Yanxi now seemed empty and vain. The peaceful life she had dreamed of-'one life, one love'-seemed shrouded in thick shadows even before truly beginning.
In the evening, Yanxi returned and saw Leng Qingqiu looking pale and depressed. He asked if she was unwell. Leng Qingqiu shook her head, saying only that she had a headache. Several times she wanted to ask about those debts and the bank check, but seeing Yanxi's handsome yet increasingly unfamiliar face, she ultimately lacked the courage. She feared that once she asked, the answer would fill her with even greater despair, and even more, she feared that piercing this thin paper would break the superficial calm they still maintained.
At night, Leng Qingqiu tossed and turned, unable to sleep. Hearing Yanxi's even breathing beside her, already sound asleep, she quietly got up, put on her robe, and walked to the window. Outside, the moon was bright as day, with a cool breeze carrying the rich fragrance of night-blooming flowers. This moonlight was no different from what she had seen on Falling Flowers Lane, but her state of mind was worlds apart.
'Where the gilded gutter spills beyond the east wall, / A banana leaf whispers with seal-script charm. / Unaware the stream bears no tidings, / Only on crows' backs, the setting sun I see.'
'Too difficult to tell. / Time and again, I stand with back to the silver lamp, / Shedding hot tears in stealth. / Except...'
Those past laments for spring and autumn, once empty sighs, now mirrored her own plight. The water's news had ceased, leaving only crows and slanting sun; her heart's burdens were inscrutable, with only secret tears to ease them. Was this her destiny?
Leng Qingqiu leaned against the window frame, gazing at the bright yet cold moon in the sky. Suddenly, she felt an unprecedented loneliness and clarity. Past wishful thinking and dreams seemed pierced through under this moonlight, revealing their illusionary nature. What she sought might never have been this gilded splendor, but a solid and secure truthful love. Now that truth was elusive, what use was splendor?
A sense of sobering enlightenment, not a light relief but a painful realization, slowly arose from her heart. She knew something had changed, never to return. How to proceed in the future, she was at a loss. Only facing this eternal moon, she suddenly felt that perhaps only the clarity and constancy within her own heart were truly reliable.
The moonlight flowed quietly upon her, outlining a thin and resilient figure. The night was deep, with the distant whistle of a train faintly audible, long and desolate, as if telling of the endless hustle and bustle and melancholy of human life. Leng Qingqiu stood quietly until the moon sank in the west and cold dew formed. She then softly sighed, turned, and returned to the brocaded curtains. On the bed, Yanxi was still in dreamland, oblivious to the night's storm of thoughts beside him.