第十六章 (Chapter Sixteen)

A stone sat heavy in Old Li's heart. He recalled Young Mrs. Ma's eyes, bright yet tinged with melancholy. And himself? A clerk, a husband, a father-he was all of these things, and yet none of them.

The clock in the yamen struck twelve. Colleagues went out for lunch one after another. Old Li couldn't be bothered to move. He sat in his chair, lost in thought. Little Zhao came over and patted his shoulder. "Come on, let's go for a drink. My treat." Old Li shook his head. Little Zhao sneered. "Daydreaming again? For that young widow?" Old Li suddenly stood up, glaring at Little Zhao. Little Zhao quickly waved his hands. "Just kidding, just kidding." With that, he slipped away.

Old Li didn't go for lunch after all. He walked out onto the street. The sun made his scalp itch. He bought two shaobing and ate as he walked. They tasted of ashes.

Back at the yamen, the afternoon's work was even more tedious. The section chief asked him to draft a document. He wrote it three times, but none passed. The section chief grew impatient. "Comrade Li, why are you so distracted?" Old Li flushed and looked down.

After work, he had no choice but to go home. As soon as he entered, Ying and Ling were quarreling. Mrs. Li was scolding in the kitchen. Old Mrs. Ma was basking in the sun in the courtyard, while Young Mrs. Ma was doing needlework beside her. Old Li nodded to Young Mrs. Ma. She gave a slight smile before lowering her head once more.

At dinner, Mrs. Li mentioned that Elder Brother Zhang wanted to introduce him to a job-a tax collector in another county. Old Li asked, "Where to?" Mrs. Li said, "It's not decided yet, but it's definitely better than here." Old Li didn't ask further. He didn't want to leave Beiping, but what good would staying here do?

At night, he dreamed he was walking on a desolate plain. Young Mrs. Ma was ahead, but he couldn't catch up. When he woke, it wasn't dawn yet. He heard movement in Young Mrs. Ma's room-soft footsteps, then the sound of a door opening. He held his breath, listening.

In the morning, he got up to wash his face and saw Young Mrs. Ma watering flowers in the courtyard. Her hair was neatly combed, and her face was lit by the morning light. Old Li hurried back into the room, his heart in a tumult.

That day, he resolved to do something. He called Elder Brother Zhang and said he was willing to consider the job in another county. Elder Brother Zhang was delighted and arranged to meet him in the evening to discuss it.

In the evening, at Elder Brother Zhang's home, they talked for a long time. Elder Brother Zhang said the position was quite lucrative, though the location was remote. Old Li said it didn't matter. Elder Brother Zhang brought up the marriage issue again, advising him to settle down and live peacefully. Old Li murmured noncommittally.

On his way home, the moon was out again. Old Li stopped at the entrance of the hutong. He looked at his own home, then at the Ma family's windows. He sighed and slowly walked in.