第九章 换毛的鸡 (Chapter 9: Molting Chickens)

Yellow fluffy chicks are beautiful, and chickens with fully grown feathers are also beautiful. The most unsightly are those in the midst of molting: bald-headed, with a few stiff feathers sticking out, long legs, bare rumps, more repulsive than attractive. Children also go through such a phase, and even heroes cannot escape it. "Seven and eight, dogs despise"-that is the age. Because they are growing tall, their arms and legs become thin, their faces sprout freckles, their front teeth form a concave shape, their eyebrows often fly up toward their eyes, and their noses wrinkle. Their appearance changes three times a day, but the general principle is annoying. Outwardly so, and their souls are no different. It is the time when their speech is sufficient for daily use; from morning till night, aside from eating and drinking, they talk endlessly. They have opinions about everything and pride themselves on lying. Full of energy, they only turn somersaults to sleep when absolutely necessary. As long as they are awake, their hands must touch something, their feet must kick, and if their shoes don't break, they feel uneasy. When talking, they wrinkle their noses; when listening, they squint; when coughing, they shrink their necks; while riding a dog, they think of peeing. They are hungry all day. Their voices pierce the brain, and sometimes they stammer deliberately. Their eyes are sharp, always looking for others' weaknesses: Second Sister-in-law's gown has a hole, Third Aunt's ear has a bit of dirt... They observe meticulously, then announce it in public, completing the great task of being annoying. Cunning, sometimes brave; cruel, annoying everywhere.

Tianci had reached this age. He was seven. The flesh on his cheeks was deliberately receding to show the thinness of his lips. His upper front teeth had been solemnly buried under the crabapple tree by himself, and he often dug them up to look at. He had grown quite a bit. His legs were thin and crooked, as if walking on stilts. His arms were thin and long, swaying even without walking. His small eyes spun like beans. His nose curled up, as if smelling the dark spots on the bridge of his nose. The flat back of his skull wobbled with extraordinary agility, his thin neck like a scallion.

Old Mrs. Niu was not pessimistic about this change in appearance. Children all had to change. She remembered her younger brother, who at eight or nine looked like a thin rabbit, but by sixteen had grown as handsome as Huang Tianba. This was nothing.

What she hadn't expected was this: with all her discipline and training, not only was Fuguan physically unseemly, but his movements were like a live monkey. She was deeply grieved. She forbade him from going out to learn bad habits all day, yet badness bubbled up from within his own heart! The more she told him to be quiet, the more he bounced and jumped. The old lady simply couldn't figure it out. The more she told him to be well-behaved, the more he spoke with glaring eyes. Where did he learn this? She had to call him several times to eat, and two people had to hold him down to wash his face. If no fruit was given, he would steal. His boldness was remarkable: for every word she said, he said two. Otherwise, he would simply remain silent, squinting at the corner. Beating him was useless, and besides, his bony body hurt her hands.

The most irritating thing was that he had to consult Sihu on everything! It turned out that Sihu, seeing Tianci's front teeth fall out, no longer dared treat him as a child, so he started using a new term-"us brothers." Tianci also liked this intimate and interesting phrase. As soon as he stepped out the screen door, he would shout, "Let us brothers tell a joke!" In fact, Sihu didn't know how to tell jokes; he just lumped all his nonsense and his bit of The Cases of Magistrate Shi under the heading of jokes. His hero had also become Tianci's hero: Huang Tianba throwing darts with both hands, catching darts with both hands, a single broadsword, a flying headband, and alone exploring the linked rings! According to Tianci, since Sihu had friends like Huang Tianba, he must also be a good fellow, very capable and resourceful. So he consulted Sihu on everything. And Sihu indeed had ideas.

"Let us brothers ask you something." Tianci, strangely enough, wasn't annoying at all at such times. "Let us brothers speak." Sihu was also sincere. "I want to buy a knife. Aren't there some on the street? Masks, knives, spears, cloth dolls. I don't want a cloth doll. I'll buy a knife first." Tianci, due to his missing front teeth, had to exert great effort to pronounce "knife" clearly and correctly, thus spraying a faceful of saliva on Sihu. "Mom won't give me money. What should I do?" "A single broadsword, Huang Tianba, catching darts with both hands?" Sihu guessed his intention. Tianci laughed, pressing his tongue against the gap in his teeth. Sihu thought for a moment: "Go for a walk with Dad. When you reach the stall, no matter what he says, don't move. Look, Dad, what a nice knife! But don't say you want it. Just keep praising it. Understand? If Dad buys it, when you come back, tell Mom, 'I didn't ask for it. Dad bought it for me!' You can even glare a bit when you say it." "What if Dad doesn't buy it?" "Just don't leave!" "What about the darts?" "No need to buy those. Just find a few small bricks. Watch. This is the knife." The feather duster was in Sihu's right hand. "Pass it to the left hand, take out a dart from the right, and throw! Practice one!" Tianci concentrated and took the duster, his mouth slightly open, his eyes shining a little, but seeming even smaller. He did the same hand-switching and dart-taking. He seemed very attentive and didn't look clumsy at all.

Dad indeed bought a bamboo knife painted silver. In the backyard, Tianci practiced knife and dart, making several holes in the window paper of Nanny Ji. He admired and was grateful to Sihu. Everything had to be discussed between the two of them, which made Old Mrs. Niu so angry she got asthma.

Sometimes the old lady had to resort to Sihu for help: Tianci had already become aware of his strength. Though he looked like a skinny, bare chicken, his intelligence and vitality made him unwilling to show weakness. He deliberately wanted to be annoying, even though he could choose not to be. The more things went against him, the more he wanted to test his strength. His nose wasn't curled for nothing. As it happened, Old Mrs. Niu was someone who didn't allow others to have opinions, so war was inevitable. But often, the war between mother and son ended in the mother's defeat, because she had too many concerns, while the young master would push through with all his might.

"Fuguan, come inside. It's so hot in the yard!" "It's not hot!" Tianci was watching ants fight under the sun, totally absorbed. "I mean well, child!" "Not allowed to watch ants fight?" Well-meaning or ill-meaning, interrupting someone's fun was unreasonable. Besides, could he feel the heat while watching ants? "I said come inside!" "I won't!" He killed three more yellow ants for the black ones. War was declared! But the lady wouldn't fight. It was too hot; beating the child would cause more trouble. But not beating was also impossible. Stepping back, if she went out to drag him in, he might run away, and that would lose face. "Sihu!" The lady called from the screen door, not daring to speak loudly, afraid of losing official composure, "Play with Fuguan and don't let him stay in the sun." Sihu came and whispered something in Tianci's ear. "Say it at the gate arch?" Tianci followed Huang Tianba's friend away. The lady soon learned this trick, but it wasn't very effective.

"Fuguan, if you behave, I have bananas here!" Tianci didn't even bother to respond. Who cared about bananas! After years of experience, didn't everyone know that fruits were only for display, not for eating? Mom was asking for trouble. To save face, Mom actually took a banana. Hmm, how had a bite been taken from the bottom of the peach? Three of them, each with a bite! "Fuguan! Who did this?" "Peaches?" Fuguan rolled his eyes. "Anyway, anyway, I only took three bites. Put them together, and they don't even make a whole one!" Mom burst into tears. Too heartbroken: she had no child of her own, and had adopted this torment. She had nowhere to complain! Tianci panicked. Making Mom cry wasn't his intention. He limped to Sihu: "Let us brothers think of something. Mom is crying!" "Why?" "I stole the peaches!" "How many?" "Three bites!" "How?" "One bite from each. Put together, they don't make a whole one. So if I get beaten, I'll get less!" Under the oppression of peaches, miscalculation was common. They found Nanny Ji to console the lady. The lady became even more distressed. There was no way to say it! She couldn't say that Tianci was adopted. No. But she saved face for him, and he didn't appreciate it. Three big peaches, one bite from each!

After Mom finally stopped crying, Tianci and Sihu had another detailed discussion. Sihu's opinion was: "If I were to steal, I'd steal one. Your mistake was taking one bite from each!" "What if Dad buys Mom three more to make up for it?" Tianci asked. "That works too!" After the peach theft case was closed, the lady decided to send Tianci to school. Who could stand this rebelliousness?

In the old lady's view, sending a child to school was more for discipline than for literacy. A proper young master had to be literate, of course. But exactly how many characters he should know, the old lady couldn't answer. She did know, however, that a promising child must be well-behaved and act like a little adult. Therefore, she wanted to hire a tutor to teach at home. With the tutor nearby, she could give instructions at any time. The tutor was really supposed to be her assistant. Old Niu didn't quite approve of hiring a tutor, though not because he disrespected his wife's opinions. He was commercial-minded: he couldn't plan very wisely, but he liked to calculate. Whether his calculations were good or bad didn't matter; just the act of clicking the abacus beads gave him pleasure. His abacus skills weren't great, but he could make it click loudly. If his wife insisted on a tutor, okay. If he could save some money, that would be good too. He preferred that Tianci attend school. There was also a selfish motive: if Tianci went to school, someone would have to take and pick him up, and that would surely be his job. He simply enjoyed strolling on the street with his son. Having his son by his side made him feel that his property and business were accounted for. Even if he was naturally careless, he couldn't completely forget about death. And after death, scattering all his savings as ghost money would be a breach of business rules. But the lady was adamant: he couldn't go to school and learn bad habits from wild children! She knew very well that Tianci was now very annoying, but she also believed that no matter how annoying he was, he was still better than other children's kids. Moreover, with a tutor to help her, this annoying tendency could definitely be corrected. Old Niu sacrificed his own opinion and enthusiastically helped find a tutor. In this, he showed the demeanor of a great politician. So being afraid of his wife was sometimes good training.

Old Niu had a firm memory: only "Old Shandong men" could teach in a home school. He didn't know how he had remembered this. When meeting friends, he would only say: "Do you have any idle old Shandong man who can teach?" Soon, he found one. He was indeed an old Shandong man, but whether he could teach or not, the introducer hadn't checked. The introducer thought that Manager Niu was looking for a clerk or an outside manager. When they met and the subject of teaching came up, the old Shandong man said he could give it a try. He seemed to remember some elementary books from his youth. As for the characters in front of him, he could certainly handle them. He had once been the teacher of Old Xiangsheng. At the mention of Old Xiangsheng, Old Niu was filled with awe: "Old Xiangsheng? That's fine. Come home and meet the family! Old Xiangsheng!" Those three words had a magical effect. He couldn't let go of them. "The boss of Old Xiangsheng, Meng Zidong, must be over eighty now, right? Such a businessman can't be found anymore, can't be found anymore!" Wang Baozhai-the former accountant of Old Xiangsheng-seconded: A man like Boss Meng Zidong indeed couldn't be found anymore. He had died three or four years ago. Wang Baozhai was in his forties, tall, with big eyes. His Shandong dialect was clear but drawling, turning words like "leg" into a burbling sound, and "person" softly into "perrson." He was a colorful Shandong man. On questions of salary and festival gifts, Teacher Wang absolutely refused to discuss, showing Shandong propriety and merchant loyalty: "What's this, Brother Niu? We're all 'one of us'! Give what you give, give what you give. If I think it's too little, then I'm a jerk!" Teacher Wang, feeling agitated, couldn't help speaking in rhyme. The old man, who didn't dare make decisions, took this chance to back down and went home to discuss with his wife. The wife had some doubts about Wang Baozhai's scholarship and experience. The old man repeatedly declared: "The accountant of Old Xiangsheng, the accountant of Old Xiangsheng!" The wife thought carefully: even if he had no experience, that was fine. She could train both Tianci and the teacher together. So the deal was set: an annual salary of thirty dollars, two dollars for each of the three festivals, the storage room in the outer courtyard converted into a bedroom, and the west room as a study-three meals a day of home cooking. "The bonus is a bit low!" Old Niu commented. "Festival gifts!" The old lady didn't like commercial terms. "We can talk later. If he teaches well, we'll give more." School began on the first day of the eighth lunar month. Tianci was almost exactly seven years old.