Explore Chapter 6 of "牛天赐传" with the original Chinese text, English translation, detailed Chinese vocabulary explanations, and audio of the Chinese original. Listen and improve your reading skills.
About ten or eleven months into her stay at the Niu family, Nanny Ji had already started weighing her heart: she truly longed to go home and see her own child, yet she was afraid to return. The pleasures of the city and the pain of homesickness were at most evenly balanced; sometimes she would rather sacrifice the white rice, fine flour, and neat clothes to regain the joy of family reunion. Her personal material comforts had not completely conquered her spirit-otherwise, why would Old Mama Liu dislike her so? The difficulty lay here: set herself aside; there was that money! That money!! That money!!! In her view, since she herself had food and drink, she must hand over all her earnings to the family-only then would she be true to them. From the family's perspective, her departure was a noble sacrifice, yet they truly needed that money. She wanted to go back, and they wanted her back, but emotion could not defeat the hard, bitter reality. That money stood between her and them like a sneering giant, freezing their blood. Her heart was tied to her own child, but her reason forever kissed those few coins. Go back, go back! Sometimes she would stamp her foot and say this to herself. Yet she was truly afraid-afraid that one day she would have no choice but to return! What if Tianci were weaned?-It was common to wean at around ten months. She would often stare blankly, her long mouth drawn into a straight line, unable to think of anything, only home, money, home, money, two dark shadows knocking against each other in her heart.
Fortunately, when he was about ten months old, Old Mrs. Niu did not mention weaning, nor did lackeyOld Mama Liu. With so many things to be done, if the mistress forgot, Old Mama Liu would also forget; with so many things not needing to be done, if the mistress merely mentioned them, Old Mama Liu would add embroidered details-a true lackey. They did not mention it, and Nanny Ji kept her mouth even tighter. But she thought of her own child, two months older than Tianci; it must be his birthday. A whole year old, her own child-could he walk yet? How many teeth had he grown? Was he bullied by others? What did he eat? What did he wear? ... She would look at Tianci and shed tears at night; during the day she had to hide her tears.
Toward Tianci, she sometimes felt resentment, because of her own child; sometimes she felt affection, also because of her own child. Whenever she thought of her own child, she saw Tianci as merely a pile of foreign coins, a nursing pile of coins. But occasionally, she would hold him tightly and kiss him again and again, her long lips sucking in Tianci's chubby cheeks like a toad swallowing a bug, leaving him utterly bewildered. In the terror of weaning and unemployment, she couldn't help but love this pile of coins even more. Her only hope was: if Tianci were grateful and wouldn't let her leave, she could stay a few more months-long-term plans were unthinkable. She tended to him with extra care and whispered her grievances into his ear; he seemed to half understand, half not, and babbled back at her. Sometimes she would put him down and threaten: 'I'm leaving! I'm never coming back!' Then she would take a few steps and see what effect it had. Most of the time, Tianci would roll over, lift his head, support himself with his arms, and cry out a few times. Nanny Ji would feel a bit relieved-this little brat still had a heart. But sometimes he would lie on his back, hands and feet in the air, reciting a little poem, completely ignoring her, which made her very upset. 'Fine thing, I'll just go!' But she knew the value of those few coins could not be thrown away so easily. She grew a little thinner.
As for whether Tianci loved Nanny Ji, it's hard to say. That little fellow could sometimes be extremely aloof, with drooping cheeks and sagging eyes, like a rather disgruntled immortal, showing affection to no one, especially not to Mrs. Niu. Among these three women, of course he was most familiar with Nanny Ji, but familiarity is not love. If he could love anyone, he undoubtedly loved Sihu most, and then Old Niu; presumably he wanted to be a masculine man. Yet he also loved colorful things; if anyone's clothes had flowers on them, he would lunge at them. Nanny Ji noticed this, but she dared not wear flowery clothes. In her simple and respectable heart, she reasoned that if she were dismissed, she would wear a flowered dress when leaving. If Tianci would hold onto her and not let go, her chances would increase. She thought of secretly asking Sihu to sell a blue cotton jacket to buy some printed calico; she would never touch a single penny of her wages.
But before she could carry out this plan, she felt the ground beneath her had become a little more stable. One day Old Mama Liu fell ill, and Nanny Ji had to go to the kitchen to cook. Old Mama Liu hated it most when others touched her pots, pans, knives, and ladles. As long as she could hold out, she would never leave the kitchen. Eight times out of ten, she wouldn't tell anyone she was sick, for fear that someone else would take her place. Loyalty turning into jealousy is the greatness of a lackey and the flaw of a saint. But this time she had no choice but to leave the kitchen, because Sihu found her holding a frying spoon, lying in front of the water vat, with phlegm stuck in her throat-phlegm that had a good chance of suffocating her. Sihu panicked, flapping around like a startled chicken, jumping more and more helplessly. It wasn't until Old Mrs. Niu came that he bundled up Old Mama Liu and carried her to her room. Old Mrs. Niu opened her own medicine cabinet, calculated carefully, and found a packet of pills marked with an 'X' on the paper. Old Mrs. Niu was always refined and official, but her way of labeling medicine was learned from the water delivery man and the coal seller: she drew different chicken scratches on the paper to indicate the difference and function of the medicines. Claws pointing up meant gynecological medicine; five claws meant for serious illness. After forcing down the five-claw pills, Old Mama Liu caught her breath but still couldn't move. The mistress clearly ordered: she was not to get out of bed until she had taken the four-claw pills.
Thus, Nanny Ji had to go into the kitchen. Often before, she had offered to help Old Mama Liu, but was always refused; Old Mama Liu's sphere of power was not to be invaded. Sihu could lend a hand with unobtrusive tasks like peeling scallions and washing rice. But Sihu was a 'boy'; when members of the same sex found cooperation inconvenient, it gave members of the opposite sex some chance to work together. On ordinary days, besides looking after the child, Nanny Ji's secondary work was some sewing. Old Mama Liu was powerless against this-her eyes were no longer reliable. But she was angry; not that she really wanted to do everything herself and exhaust herself to death, but that she wanted to supervise everything and be number one in fact. Seeing the mistress and Nanny Ji discussing how to cut and how to sew, with no part for her at all-how mortifying! Therefore, she kept the kitchen door even more tightly shut. Now, having swallowed the five-claw pills and letting Nanny Ji invade the kitchen, she felt the emptiness of fate, lying there like an old dog that barks and then coughs.
Nanny Ji knew she could not compete with Old Mama Liu; take cutting scallion shreds, for instance-she could never in her life make them as fine as Old Mama Liu did. But she felt a little relieved. As soon as she entered the kitchen, she thought there was hope of replacing Old Mama Liu. She had no thought of praying for Old Mama Liu's quick death, but facts often make people harder: Old Mama Liu had taken the five-claw pills, perhaps... ah! One person's death gives others hope.
What pleased her even more was that Tianci showed his attitude. She was cooking when Sihu came, ordered by the mistress, to summon her back to camp immediately, because Tianci had fallen out with the mistress. Sihu watched the food, while Nanny Ji hurried back with her heels high, toes quickly tapping, her hair bun bobbing up and down. Tianci was lying on his back in bed, kicking his hands and feet wildly, crying heartbreakingly but without many tears.
Tianci paid no attention at all to his mother; he lunged at Nanny Ji, burying his head in her bosom, and immediately stopped crying. He stayed there for about a minute, then turned back and smiled, with two reluctant teardrops still hanging on his eyelids.
Nanny Ji did not dare to show any reaction; she remained extremely calm and neutral. Between two great powers, this was the safest course. But inside she felt much more at ease-if Tianci would do this a few more times, her position would be much more stable.
On Tianci's birthday, Old Mama Liu resumed her regular duties, having taken the five-claw, four-claw, and three-claw pills in order. The mistress's medical skill was even more brilliant than Third Sister Zhang who burned incense-this, in Old Mama Liu's mind, was the highest praise, because Third Sister Zhang could cure any illness with incense ash.
Tianci's birthday had two important ceremonies: one was everyone eating braised sauce noodles, and the other was the One-Year-Old Object-Grasping Ceremony. The first seemed unrelated to Tianci and seemed specially for Sihu. Sihu had a particular fondness for braised sauce noodles; once he picked up his bowl, he didn't want to put it down. According to himself, five big bowls would normally fill his stomach to the brim, but he had to add two or three more because he couldn't bear to stop the sound of sucking the noodles. The sound of the sauced noodles could only be compared to a summer thunderstorm-fierce and continuous.
The second ceremony was entirely up to Tianci. Everyone was sweating with anxiety for him. Nanny Ji was afraid he would grab something the mistress didn't want him to grab, because he had grown up on her milk; if he didn't show promise, it would clearly mean her milk was no good. A woman's milk not good?! Sihu had another wish; he eagerly hoped the mistress would be fair and include the pair of rattles. He thought a child who didn't grab toys wasn't a child at all, but a goblin. But Mrs. Niu could not be fair; she had already discussed with Old Mama Liu which items should be used to test Tianci.
The mistress had a small bronze seal, an heirloom from her father. Though only a personal seal, it looked quite like a government office stamp. The mistress paid the most attention to this symbol of becoming a high official and riding a fine horse. Old Mama Liu suggested: the seal should be placed in the most accessible spot, and a bundle of colored threads should be tied to the little lion on the knob to attract attention. Next were a writing brush and a small book. Though not as promising as reaching out and grabbing the seal for instant success, all occupations are base, only studying is high; the brush and book were also symbols of officialdom, just a little more roundabout. Next was a large copper coin, minted in the Xianfeng era and never used, very shiny. This was to appease Old Niu, who placed money above officialdom; since Tianci was the joint property of the master and mistress, they had to pacify Old Niu a little.
As for Old Niu, at the moment he considered sauced noodles above all else, and he had a mind to add a spoon, to indicate that he could eat sauced noodles-a man who had noodles to eat and could add sauce at will could get by in life. But he didn't suggest this to the mistress; having as little dealings with the mistress as possible was the way to ensure the safe digestion of sauced noodles. This man specialized in sacrificing ideals for the sake of his stomach.
It was a very beautiful autumn day. In the shallow, clear blue sky, a few lingering swallows flew back and forth. Tianci's One-Year-Old Object-Grasping Ceremony was held at noon. A couple of rooster crows drifted in the osmanthus fragrance. Old Mama Liu placed the designated objects on a bronze tray and presented them to the mistress for inspection. Then Nanny Ji brought out Tianci, his face still drooping, as if he didn't see anything joyful about his first anniversary. Although his eyebrows had made considerable progress, with a few sparse hairs growing out, his nose was even more turned up, giving him a full expression of disdain.
To protect his stomach, the master, with three bowls of sauced noodles inside him, had already fallen into a deep snore on the bed, not at all suitable for the crisp autumn air. Sihu called him once; he muttered a few words, whether asking for more sauce or just muttering for the sake of muttering. Whatever, he continued sleeping.
Sihu was taken aback. He himself didn't know what he was-this was the hardest question in the world. Yet he lingered in the room, his hand on the pocket of his gown, and the mistress did not drive him away again.