Explore Chapter 16 of '老张的哲学' with the original Chinese text, English translation, detailed Chinese vocabulary explanations, and audio of the Chinese original. Listen and improve your reading skills.
Once all the heroes from within and without the city had assembled, Nan Feisheng once again took the chair. He first read aloud the society's constitution. The audience below applauded in agreement, and it was passed without a hitch. (Note! One clause read: "All officers of the various departments shall be appointed by the Chairman.")
With the constitution passed, ballots were distributed for the election. Members asked one another, "Who should I write?" "Can I write my own name?" ... They argued for a good long while without reaching any proper conclusion, so in the end everyone wrote as they pleased. Some merely drew a cross; others wrote their own name and stamped a thumbprint beneath it. Over an hour of chaos ensued, and they were all panting with exhaustion by the time the ballots were finally filled out.
Disaster! There was nowhere to deposit them-the attendant gentlemen had forgotten to prepare a ballot box. Some suggested each person read out their own ballot for the secretary to record on the blackboard; others proposed that someone should just take off a sock and they could all stuff their ballots into that... Finally, Long Shugu suggested using his hard-shell suitcase as a makeshift ballot box. The assembly agreed. Ballot papers fluttered into the case like snowflakes, and the crowd dispersed in all directions, leaving only a dozen or so people waiting to see the election results.
Nan Feisheng read the ballots aloud, Lao Zhang tallied the count, with Sun Ba and Long Shugu watching closely from either side.
Lao Zhang felt the blood surge to his face, while Sun Ba's seemed to drain from his. One looked like the god of war Guan Gong in his cups, the other like a sickly mouse. They stared at each other, speechless. Nan Feisheng betrayed no emotion, though his hands trembled slightly. Long Shugu, perfectly at ease, chatted idly with other members as if utterly oblivious to the election results.
"What proof is there of a discrepancy?" said a voice from the floor. "There was no attendance register, so there's no way to verify the number present. Now that most members have already left, of course there are more ballots than people here now. As for rigging the ballot box, given Mr. Long's character, it seems most unfair to make such slanderous accusations. Moreover, neglecting to inspect beforehand and then inventing facts after the fact-this is deliberate sabotage, an attempt to undermine our self-governance!"
"We must join forces with Nan Feisheng and oppose Old Long together!" Lao Zhang shot a meaningful glance at Nan Feisheng, who then descended from the stage.
"We now force him to appoint the officers," said Nan Feisheng, remaining perfectly calm. "If he gives us all the key posts, we stick together and make everything difficult for him. Within a month or two, we'll surely squeeze him out. If he doesn't give us the important positions, we'll immediately send a circular telegram nationwide, vowing to oppose him to the death."
The Chairman ascended the platform, uttered a few modest words, and then proceeded to appoint the officers.
"Mr. Li Fucai, Investigator."
...
The audience below applauded. Long Shugu added a few words concerning future society business, then declared the meeting adjourned.
Chairman Long came down and shook hands with Sun Ba and the others one by one-every palm felt icy cold. Then he entered the city together with Nan Feisheng.
Sun Ba was so angry he was nearly in tears. Li Shandong was utterly famished and took his leave to return to his shop for a meal.
"Fine! A lifetime hunting wild geese, and today I get pecked in the eye by one! If I, Lao Zhang, don't make you, Long, taste the unique, lethal potency of my clan's secret, life-ending pill, then I'll change the family register and renounce the name of Zhang!"
"Good! Let's find a small eatery and get a bite first. Lao Zhang has a plan!" Lao Zhang struck an exceedingly heroic pose, thrusting with his legs against his buttocks, his buttocks against his spine, his spine against his neck, and his neck against his head, straightening himself up joint by joint. They say, according to the evolutionary theory that was in vogue at the time, that mankind evolved from four-footed beasts to two-legged creatures in just this manner-by straightening up.
The two of them found a small restaurant near Desheng Gate inside Guanli. Rage filled Lao Zhang's breast, expanding the capacity of his stomach. The angrier he was, the more fiercely he ate, until "the corners of his eyes nearly split" and "his hair seemed to lift his cap from his head!"
"You see? The very first thing you hand me is a mystery. Even if we talked all day, wouldn't it just be like a matchmaker for the dead-a pure waste of breath?"
"That's precisely how it should be!" Lao Zhang sat down again. "Listen, Long Shugu has a daughter, a rare and exquisite beauty, like red blossoms on a willow-a sight not of this world. As for him, his debts are now staring him in the face, bigger than cannon mouths, and he's counting on her bride price to cover his losses. I'll go and buy her for you. Mark my words, he owes me nothing. Buying his daughter to be your concubine-that will ruin him utterly!"
"No need to rush!" Lao Zhang administered the hot medicine first, then the cooling tonic, letting the patient fully absorb the impression of the malady. "There's absolutely no danger here! His debts must be repaid without fail. We offer money to buy his daughter-it's a perfect fit. One hand passes the cash, the other signs the deed. There can be no mistake!"