Explore Chapter 4 of '老张的哲学' with the original Chinese text, English translation, detailed Chinese vocabulary explanations, and audio of the Chinese original. Listen and improve your reading skills.
Sun Ba took his leave and went home. Lao Zhang stood outside the door, waiting until the Education Inspector and Li Wu had disappeared into the grove before heaving a deep sigh and stepping inside. Under the trees, the students jostled like overheated sheep, scrambling for tea. Inside the room, a few of the older boys were stealthily smashing the last piece of ice melting in the foreign stove.
"Teacher! It wasn't my idea. Xiao Si was the first to ask for it!" Zhang Cheng said, shielding his head with his hands.
"Xiao Si wants to drink? How much tuition does he pay, and how much do you? He eats rice, you eat cornmeal! Drinking tea? Aren't you afraid it'll hurt your stomach! All of you, get inside!" Lao Zhang glanced at the tea basin. To his dismay, more than half of it was gone. Lao Zhang stormed into the classroom. The students sat as stiff as little stone stakes once more. Wang De's mouth was still stuffed with ice crumbs.
"Xiao San, Xiao Si, Bu Feng, Wang Chun, ... go home for your meals! Tell your families the Education Inspector has come. The teacher prepared tea and snacks for the gentlemen and brewed tea for the students. Let your families decide how much to contribute. The inspector is here to examine your learning, but the teacher cannot afford to lose money. Do you understand? Go!"
"Go home and tell our fathers to send something to the teacher!" seven or eight students chimed in unison.
Lao Zhang took off his military cap and hung it, as usual, on the nail by the blackboard. He removed his long gown and rolled up the sleeves of his undershirt high. With one hand he picked up the pointer, with the other he pulled a large bamboo board from deep within the lectern. He swung the pointer, flexing his wrist. Half-annoyed, half-amused, he said:
"Give me a straight answer! Those who burn incense fulfill their vows, and those who leap into ravines fulfill theirs too. The money is yours, and the flesh is yours. A beating or a fine? Decide quickly! An inch of time is an inch of gold. If you waste my time, can you afford to repay me in gold?"
Five or six kind-hearted students felt ashamed to receive bamboo stripes on such a hot day. They stood up. One offered a young chick from home; someone offered five hundred in cash. Lao Zhang recorded each item in his account book and let them go home. The remaining students realized that going home to ask for money would also mean a beating. So they might as well play the tough guy and sell a few strokes to Lao Zhang. Perhaps, seeing so many, Lao Zhang might grant a general amnesty.
To beat someone requires effort. Effort requires eating more. Eating more costs money. Spending money contradicts his philosophy. So, did Lao Zhang actually enjoy beating people? But if he didn't beat them this time, next time perhaps no one would accept a fine. Wouldn't that be a greater loss than eating an extra bowl of rice? Moreover, if he worked himself into a temper and lost his appetite, he might save a bowl or two. Thus, the students' slim hope was no match for the philosopher's slim hope. And the youths who tried to act tough suffered!
The students clenched their fists and rubbed their palms, raising their body temperature to resist the ice-cold, iron-hard bamboo board. Some shed dry tears but did not cry out. Lao Zhang grew even angrier. "Good! You defy me!" So he added three more strokes. Others, before even reaching Lao Zhang, were already weeping and begging tearfully. Lao Zhang grew angrier still. "Good! You try to soften my heart with tears. You're insulting me on purpose!" So he added three more strokes. Some wept softly, tears streaming down like strings of pearls. Lao Zhang grew angrier yet. "Good! You think you can fool me by half-crying. You sly devil!" So he gave another three strokes.
The students left as they were beaten. Now only Li Ying and Wang De remained. Li Ying thought, "I'm the head student. Naturally, I won't be beaten, especially since I bought him a piece of ice." Wang De, for his part, knew that his crimes of eating apricots and ice were unavoidable. He rubbed his hands until they were bright red, ready to face the enemy.
"You think I won't beat the head student? Was it not your fault for not stopping them from drinking tea and eating ice?"
"Ha ha..." Lao Zhang laughed uproariously for a moment. This time, it was ostensibly a laugh that came from within. Precisely because it originated internally, it was most difficult to ascertain its authenticity, for a philosopher's emotions are not those of ordinary men.
"You're not wrong, I am. I'm going to beat you!" Lao Zhang suddenly stopped laughing and picked up the bamboo board again.
"If I quit school, my uncle wouldn't allow it," Li Ying thought to himself. "But if I let him beat me, what face would I have left to show anyone?"
"I quit! I'm not studying anymore!" Li Ying thought it over and felt that his uncle was far easier to deal with than Lao Zhang.
"My uncle told me not to study anymore!" Li Ying knew he was lying, but he had no other way to fend off Lao Zhang.
"Your uncle? Ho! Your uncle! Go, tell your uncle to pay back every cent of Lao Zhang's money, principal and interest, today! Then you can study or not as you please!"
Wang De walked over slowly. Lao Zhang, however, set the board down. Wang De was startled. He thought, "If the old hand gets lucky, the old butt might be in trouble." Then he reconsidered. "Well, we're all in the same boat. Maybe it's time for the old butt to take one for the old hand. Anyway, when you get beaten, the pain is in my heart. Why not change places?" Wang De always looked on the bright side. Thinking this way, he immediately felt relieved and smiled. So he laughed.
"I haven't studied that yet." Wang De finished and laughed heartily. He remembered learning the word "study" in National Language class two years ago. Returning home, he asked his father, "Have we 'studied' dinner yet?" His father slapped him across the face. To this day, thinking of it made his cheek burn with a dry sting. His father didn't understand his son saying "study." Isn't that laughable? Wang De laughed even louder.
"It is funny! If people had their noses upside down, rain would pour into their mouths. Isn't that funny? If people had beards growing on their palms, forming natural little brushes to casually dust their clothes, don't you think that's hilarious? Getting beaten hurts the hands, but it can't stop the heart from laughing!"
"You don't know about Li Ying's family affairs?" Lao Zhang already knew that Wang De was the type to keep laughing even while being beaten. So he might as well let him laugh.
"Good! You're nineteen, and Li Ying is also nineteen. He can be head student. Why can't you? If I appoint you as head student, will you do it?"
Wang De and Li Ying were the best of schoolmates. There was only one thing Wang De disliked about Li Ying: that Li Ying was the head student. Wang De believed all old people were detestable. His father had made his face blossom with a slap for saying "study." Old people, in Wang De's view, were just antiquated relics who relied on authority and understood nothing of human feelings. Besides old people, the most odious were the young who imitated old people's behavior. Neighbor Pi San, though young, became an Officer and beat his soldiers more viciously than a father beats his son. Qian Liu in the city, barely twenty, copied old men by taking two wives. Pi San and Qian Liu deserved death! As for Li Ying, though not old, he put on a stern face, puffing and glaring on behalf of Lao Zhang, disciplining his classmates. Now Lao Zhang wanted to appoint Wang De as head student. He laughed to himself, "Wang De! Not even married yet, and becoming head student? That's laughable, and deserving of death!" So Wang De suddenly stood up and started to leave.
"Listen, I'll tell you slowly." Lao Zhang pushed Wang De back onto the stool. "If you become head student, I'll stop beating you from now on. But you have to help me with the shop accounts."
"There are more benefits! How much tuition do you pay now, and how much snack money do you get daily?"
"You don't understand. You don't need to tell your father. Each month, take six strings, give me four, and keep the other two for yourself. How about that?"
"Not tell Father? What if he finds out? Will you take the beating for me?" Wang De laughed again. If Father beat Lao Zhang the way he beat me, how amusing that would be.
"Save-dreams! Look at your teacher's wife. She never dreams. When she's hungry, I tell her, 'Drink some water.'"
Wang De couldn't help laughing loudly again. He thought, "If everyone treated women this way, in a few years women would not only only drink water but also become creatures that don't dream. Ah! I remember. Father often said there are 'human-headed fish' in the southern sea, with a woman's head and a fish's body. No doubt, that's the result of such training. But do human-headed fish dream? I don't know! Father? Maybe he doesn't know either. Hmph! Better not ask him. Asking old people about things they don't know ends with getting slapped!"